Those Type of Guys
by Psychologically DysFUNctional
Summary: Zuko was just one of those slow type of guys, she understood that. In fact, she knew two other slow people in her life—Sokka and Aang. They just couldn't process certain things as well as the average male should. So when Zuko starts moaning about being "forever alone", Katara decides to do something about it. Madness ensues. Zutara Oneshot, Modern AU.


**A/N: Got bored. And addicted to Zutara.**

**This is what happens.**

**Also, Zuko doesn't have his scar in this because it's AU and I really don't want to have a back story about _this _and _that, _so I decided to take the cheap way out of this and just left that out.**

**Warning: Swearing, modern AU high school ficlet, OOC, cougars, grammar and spelling errors**

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_**Those Type of Guys**_

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_**Z**__uko was just one of __those__slow_ _type of guys, she understood that. _In fact, she knew two other _slow _people in her life—Sokka and Aang. They just couldn't process _certain things_ as well as the average male should, and like said earlier, Katara _understood that_.

Even though she understood that he was one of _those type of guys_, doesn't mean that she enjoyed that he was one. It was annoying, really. All of these pretty girls throwing themselves at Zuko, screaming their little faces off trying to catch his attention and he didn't do as much as _glance _at them. Those poor freshmen and sophomores…Katara pitied them. They had chosen the densest guy in possibly the whole school (well besides Sokka, he had the champion belt and trophy on that one) to have their high school crush on. Her heart went out to them.

But Zuko doesn't notice this. Nope, not at all. Katara's tried to enlighten him on this in those most unsubtle ways possible, but he _just doesn't get it_. This one junior—Mai, was it?—had this _huge _crush on him since…well she had no idea, but people said it was a long time. She was one of those extra quiet girls, not exactly shy, but not outgoing. So when she started following Zuko around like his shadow and _talking _to him, everyone in the school (besides Sokka) already could assume that Mai liked him.

But not Zuko. Of course, not Zuko. She sat by him at the table (despite usually sitting by herself) during lunch, and walked with him to her classes. Hell, she's even gave him _her number _and Zuko had called her "just an acquaintance" right in front of her! Katara remember slapping her hand over her face at the dejected look on Mai's, and the clueless expression on Zuko's as he tried to figure out what he said.

When Zuko couldn't figure out why he didn't have a girlfriend yet (he thought it had something to do with his obsessive intake of fireflakes), Katara _barely _managed not to just leap over the table and _strangle him right then and there_. Girls have all but offered to give him a blowjob and he just couldn't process that they were flirting with him!

So this is where Katara stepped in, deciding that if she heard Zuko _whine _and _bitch _and _complain _about being "forever alone" _one more god damned time_, she was going to castrate him. If he wanted a girlfriend so god damn much, he was going to get one.

It was after school that Katara decided to set her _ingenious _plan into action. It was hot and humid outside, and the walk home was going to be a long one. Since she and Zuko lived in the same neighborhood, they often walked home together. One would think because Zuko was eighteen, he would be driving home—especially on a day where being outside was the exact equivalent to slow cooking in an oven—but no, his younger sister, Azula, had took his car out for a "spin" one night and ended up driving it straight into a ditch (he swore she did this on purpose). So they had to travel on foot and hope not to catch a heat-stroke on the way there.

"So," she drawled, trying to sound nonchalant. "Is your dad home?"

He snorted, rolling his eyes.

"When is he ever? He's probably out screwing one of his secretaries as we speak."

'…_He's doing a much better job than you,' _she thought. But then she cringed, the image of his father doing the deed with some random loose woman bent over his—

"Goodness, Zuko! The image is stuck in my head!" she cried, slapping his arm. He paused his walking for a moment, and despite it being Hell's temperature outside, shivered.

"Ugh," he groaned, shaking his head. "That _is _a really bad mental image. Sorry about that."

Katara lazily waved him off, sticking back to her plan.

"I'll let you pass on that one _just this once_. Anyway, is it alright if I come over?"

Zuko shrugged.

"Doesn't really matter to me." And then he paused, his brain putting things together for once in his life. "…and why are you asking anyways? You always pop up at my house unannounced every other day."

She froze.

'_Damn it, Katara! What part of _unsuspicious _don't you understand?' _her brain scolded. She worked her jaw a few times before an excuse came to mind.

"I just didn't want your mom to go nuts if I came over and the house was a mess." He nodded his head, accepting this answer.

'_Genius, Katara! Genius!'_

The rest of the walk was in silence beside the occasional moan of the sweltering heat. The breezes were the most useless things Katara has ever lived to witness, due to the fact they were stiff and just as hot as the air surrounding them. It felt like she was dying in a blanket of sweat and heat, and those mosquitos swarming around her in packs wasn't helping either.

When Zuko had finally opened the door to his house, Katara had all but ran inside, the cool air enveloping her body. Zuko closed the door behind him.

The tanned girl dropped her back pack down in the living before walking over to the kitchen. Usually around this time, Zuko's mother, Ursa, would be cooking some type of delicious cuisine for her whore-mongering husband and her son. But Ursa wasn't in the kitchen. Katara assumed she was probably at the grocery store, preparing to make dinner.

"Zuko!" she called loudly. "Your mom's not here!"

A couple of moments later, he walked into the kitchen and peeled a sticky note off of the fridge, reading its contents out loud.

"'Dear Zuko, Azula and…uh…Ozi-Poo." She didn't have to look at Zuko's face to know he was hurting somewhere inside. "'I'll be at the grocery store and mall for a couple of hours, and I'll probably be back around nine. I made lunch for you guys—it's in the fridge—and a little extra just in case the Karuk's decide to come over. See you guys later. Love, Ursa."

Zuko posted the note back on the fridge and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Well, I'll be in my room,"

"I'll go with you."

She spoke too quickly, _far _too quickly, barely allowing him to get his sentence before blurting out those words. She mentally slapped herself. Zuko raised an eyebrow.

"Any reason why you're so eager to get there?"

She gaped at him, a fiery red blush spreading across her cheeks as she folded her arms and jutted out her hip.

"Zuko, get your mind out of the gutter!"

He blinked once, letting her words dawn upon him.

"Wait—_what_?! I wasn't even talking about _that_! I was _obviously _referring to your last thorough search you did to my room because you're so _damn _nosey!"

See, _that _was why he was one of _those guys_. Any other hot-blooded teenage boy would've been all over her at that point, but Zuko was instead _embarrassed _that she thought he was talking about sex! What the hell was wrong with him?!

Katara's flushed face turned into a scowl.

"Nosey? I'm not _nosey_!"

There was a pregnant pause.

"Okay maybe a little bit…don't look at me like that!" she threw her hands into the air in defeat. "Whatever! Let's just go upstairs."

She stomped off in the direction of the stair case, making sure to stomp _really _hard on the way up.

'_Nosey? So what if I'm a _little bit _nosey? I mean, what teenage boy _doesn't _have a couple adult magazines under his bed? Sokka has them! And I'm pretty sure he lent Aang some too…'_

She swung the door open to Zuko's room, scanning around for the laptop he usually kept on his desk. She found it and pried it open before powering it on. Katara picked up the laptop and plopped on his bed, finding the metal desk chair much too cold and rigid to sit comfortably on.

Zuko sat at the edge of the bed, watching her intently. She couldn't have him ruining her plans by sitting there, _observing _her as she tried to set this _magnificent _plan into action! She had to get rid of him.

"Zuko, I'm hungry."

She could almost _hear _him rolling his eyes.

"Why are you telling _me _this?"

"Because I'm _hungry_."

"…So?"

"Don't '_so_' me, I'm the guest here! You're supposed to get me these type of things. It's only _etiquette _to do so."

"Katara, you practically _live _here. You still have your school clothes and textbooks inside of Azula's room, which leads me to believe that you're _slowly _moving in."

"I do not! And I let Azula borrow those text—hey! You are not going to side track me!" she pointed towards the door. "Make me a sammich."

Growling, Zuko got out of his bed and walked to his door. When Katara wanted something, she always managed to get that something. There was no room to argue then. He swirled around on his heel, pointing venomously at her, as if she was the devil himself. She batted her eyelashes at him and he scoffed.

"You _owe _me. I'm not your slave, damn it."

She grinned smugly, watching as his scowl worsened.

"_Right_," and then she snapped at him. "Zuko, _sammich_."

The moment he left, she quickly went to work. Zuko knew little to nothing about making any type of food—she wouldn't be surprised if he didn't possess the knowledge of how to boil water—so she probably had a couple of minutes to complete her mission. Her fingers tapped rapidly over the keyboard, pulling up the site she became familiarized with for the past week.

'_EHarmony…I'm sorry Zuko, but you brought this upon yourself.'_

Katara logged into the online dating website, the account name being X_ZukoHotPantsX_. She wasn't too sure about the screen name, but it was the only thing she could think of a week ago.

Katara wasn't a compulsive liar, but she had to do some…_tweaking _in the description.

Okay, she had completely and totally lied about who Zuko was in the description box. So _what _if he wasn't really a 25-year-old single doctor with a glistening, chiseled chest, who owned a big condo in Beverly Hills and _huge _black limo! People lied all the time! And this was a _good_ lie, so she was excused.

So far, she had managed to find someone who was willing to have some face-to-face…screen-to-screen time with Zuko. Her screen name was _Hamamama_, a screen name that sort of threw Katara off, but Zuko needed a girlfriend so there. And plus, she said she was 17 years old, and the icon proved it.

So Katara quickly chatted it up with _Hamamama_, trying to be as smooth as she wished her dream guy would be. A couple of moments later, a new tab popped up, indicating that Zuko's new girlfriend-to-be wanted to start conversing.

And conveniently, at that very same moment, Zuko walked into the room, holding one sandwich in each hand.

"I couldn't decide if you want peanut butter and jelly or ham and cheese so I made both…_what _are you doing?" he said, glancing at the screen. Katara hopped off of the bed and snatched the sandwiches out of his hands. She shoved Zuko onto his bed and pointed towards the button that read 'accept'. He glanced back at her, the laptop, back at her, and to the laptop again. He threw his hands out in the direction of the screen.

"What the bloody _hell _is this?"

"Your soon to be girlfriend, Zuko."

"Girlfriend? Katara, are you nuts? Wait—don't even answer that. Of _course _you are! And is this eHarmony? How desperate do you think I am?!"

She rolled her eyes and plopped the two sandwiches on the wooden desk. The tanned skin girl reached right over Zuko and clicked accept before scrambling under the sheets, trying not to seem conspicuous and hidden. She opened a little crack in the sheets, peeking at the screen.

'_Oh dear God.'_

"_Hey there, Hotpants!"_

_Hamamama _wasn't 17 years old.

Hell no.

_71 _was more like it.

…And was that a _lollipop _she was sucking on?

If it had been anything else, she would've been pretty pissed at herself for failing so miserably, but once she saw how rigid Zuko went and how much he was stuttering over his words, she couldn't help but try to stifle her laughter.

"I um…uh…look this is um…"

"_What, cat's got your tongue?" _she purred.

Katara squirmed underneath the sheets holding her sides.

"Uh…_no_…?" he waved his hands frantically around. "Look, I'm sorry for all of this trouble this caused, but I'm not—"

"_So when are you going to take me to this beach house, Mr. Doctor, sir?"_

"What?! _What the hell _are you talking about woman?"

'_I can't…I can't breathe…' _tears rolled down her face, silent laughter shaking her body violently.

There was a frustrated sigh before Zuko slammed his laptop down. A second later, he threw the sheets off of her, and she freely let her giggles into the air. His face was stark red and his eyes were narrowed in irritation. Grabbing her by her shoulders, he pulled her up and shook her until she stopped laughing.

A tanned hand wiped a tear from watery blue eyes.

"Katara, care to explain what the hell that was?"

She grinned wide, finding herself unable to do anything but.

"Zuko, you need a girlfriend so you can stop _whining _and _moaning _all of your senior year. Me, Sokka, Suki, Toph and Aang are sick of you complaining about your relationships…well lack thereof…so I was trying to get you are girlfriend so you can _whine _and _moan _to her."

His scowl deepened.

"I do not _whine _and _moan_!"

There was a pause.

"Okay, _maybe _I whine and moan a _tiny bit_…don't you _dare _start laughing again!" he let out a frustrated sigh. "Okay, so your way of 'helping' me is by setting me up with a horny, 71 year old woman online? Are you kidding me?"

Katara pursed her lips together.

"She said she was 17!"

"You can't believe everything you see on the internet."

She folded her arms, a pout evident on her face. "I _know _that. It's just that you're so hopeless, Zuko, and it's impossible for you to get a girlfriend without any assistance!"

He rose an eyebrow at this.

"You _really _think I'm hopeless and can't get a girlfriend on my own?"

She nodded, detecting the challenge in amber eyes.

'_What are you up to, Zuko…?'_

He had moved like lightning, pulling her in by her shoulders and pressing his chest so close to hers she swore she could feel his heartbeat. At first, he had only ghosted his lips over hers, being such a _god damned tease _that she was only a second away from just crashing her lips over his and taking him _right then_ and _right there_. But Zuko was a smart kid and knew better than to taunt Katara for too long.

His lips were very warm, Katara noted that instant. And so were his hands, like the one that cupped her cheek and the other that had made its way down to her hip, his fingertips brushing underneath her shirt. He pulled away from her, his breathing heavy. His thumb brushed over her lips, and Katara felt herself blush even harder.

"Am I still hopeless?" he said smugly, a shit-eating grin spreading across his face. Katara wanted to strangle him, but when she was still staring at his lips, it was going to be pretty difficult to aim accurately at his throat.

Bravado and adrenaline pulsed through her veins as she suddenly pushed his back to the bed, straddling his waist with her legs. The shocked expression on his face brought her out of her stupor, a smirk playing at her own lips.

"I don't know, are you?"

She leaned down and kissed him again, this time allowing her hands to brush through his hair, groping here and tugging there whenever _his _hands were getting too touchy. She kissed him along his jaw, and down to his neck when he successfully managed to ruin everything in a single line.

"Wait—I made you _two _sandwiches and you didn't even eat _one_?"

Yep, Zuko was one of _those _type of guys.

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**A/N: Howd'ya feel about it? Did it suck? Did you love it? Tell me about it or just favorite!**

**-Luna**


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